So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
