were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
