I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
