I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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