U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
