he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't deserve a penis
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
