Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
