i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
