Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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