i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
