I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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