The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
