it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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