im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
