I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When did angry sex become our thing?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
