I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is classic penis vs brain.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
