What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
