you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
