I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
