i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
