how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
