I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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