You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
