fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
