I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
