I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if only i could text you this smell
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
