my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
