the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
