Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
