We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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