So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
