Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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