I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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