Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
