Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
