What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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