I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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