If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
