i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
