I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
