She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
