I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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