Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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