OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
