How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
