How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
