I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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