Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
