Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
