I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
