Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
