I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
