you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
