Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
